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[Dav]

Thanks to SHEaler, my friend from canada for this one !

this is the complete history of jeff's sexual conquests volume 1, this cover is from kinder garden to senior year of high school, therefore, it's not a very long song...that's my old joke....the names have not been changed to protect the innocents....the names have all been kept the same to incrimminate the guilty...

i started kindergarden one fine september if i'd been in love before that i just can't remember, there was a girl named maggie that i liked for some reason
and right then i could've seen the road i'd be leading......
the road i'd be leading.
cause she told me that i could be her boy if i lent her my princess leah toy so i passed it to her in the auditorium and neither of them were ever again heard from.

second grade passed so did the third,
next time i can remember doing something absurd
was when i passed the valentine into the desk of the forth grade girl that i liked best
....... that i liked best. and she was upset because she didn't know who it was from
and i admitted the whole thing was pretty dumb
and even though i knew that it wasn't right i pinned it on this other kid that no one liked

and then fifth grade also passed slowly by and the next year i found myself in junior high
and then if any of you have ever been there
and you know quite well it's like a fine time in life when everything goes straight to hell ........ and it sure did
. because i fell for this chick,
michaela weisner and if i saw her today i probably wouldn't even recognise her
but no matter how stupid this statement appears
i swear i thought about her all day long for two years
and this time i even had my chances
i took her to one of those aweful seventh grade dances
and despite all the attractive style i loosened my hair
she was only going to meet her boyfriend
there and one time at her birthday party playing truth or dare
i got dared to kiss her but i couldn't bare it
i liked her so much but i couldn't show it
i thought the worse thing i could do would be to let her know it
but she found out anyway and she short of even asked me out one day but i turned her down cause i couldn't deal with her finding out the way i felt
i know it doesn't make any sense i was in seventh grade and my ?straight A average went? and i gave up on ever becoming president
and i wanted to kill myself and my folks put me in therapy
and i stayed home, cut school all the time stayed home watching horror movies

and i know here comes the question
did i score any better as a highschool freshman?
no i loved neither well nor wisely i guess junior high had just traumatized me
i was such a fool the biggest geek at school because before the 7th grade
before that at least i mean academically i had it made but then after i let that whole nerd thing slide i really had nothing to sustain my pride.
and i was in a crew with a bunch of other loosers cause
no one else would hang out with us
and we were frequently harrased by this guy named gus
............. such smucks could only be loved by a mother,
i mean we really even annoyed the hell out of each other but
i had a saviour
and it happened when i was a sophomore and i had never been stoned before
and it opened up my eyes,
yes it did, this was my chance to hang out with cooler kids,
and first up was julian in spanish class after chemistry tutoring i said hey i've got some grass and suddenly i was getting high with 4 girls at a time and by the way most of us are still friends to this day so i can say
.........drugs saved my life
.......... and everything was much cooler even though julie still wouldn't go with me to the pink floyd laser show i guess just being stoned wasn't making girls gullible enough to like me i had to wait until i met some chicks on LSD

so it was early spring semester, junior year, when suddenly into my life appeared this beautiful blue eyed acid head name Kate in the alley across the street from school she looked great,............and we hung out after school a couple of times and she was tripping and i was high and then that friday it was valentines and we were alone in the alley and i kissed her and then a couple days later she asked me to sleep over at her house and i really didn't know anything about fooling around.......... but i went......and i fingered her and i, i did my best but then the next thing she was wanting to have sex and i didn't want my first time to be with the first girl that i'd kissed so i said, well, i guess i wanted my life to unfold in a more subtle and romantic way so i said something subtle and romantic like i'll fuck you next time and that was the end of our relationship, but we're still friends.......she lives on the west coast and has two kids and i don't remember who i kissed next but i did kiss a few.............. even though i still wasn't really sure what to do............and i didn't have a date for senior prom ............ and that's high school it in a nutshell, 4 years gone.......and that's about it ...........and i was supposed to write volume 2 but i'll, i'm never gonna do it ...... but suffice it to say things got a lot better and still getting better

[Dandelion]

hehe, in the version i've heard (a live version) there's a spoken intro/explanation/disclaimer thing...it includes my favorite part of the song "the names have not been changed to protect the innocent/the names have all been kept the same to incrimminate the guilty"

i like this part:

and then fifth grade also passed slowly by and the next year i found myself in junior high
and then if any of you have ever been there
and you know quite well it's like a fine time in life when everything goes straight to hell ........ and it sure did
_________________
kevin
Dandelion
www.myspace.com/dandelion

[Dav]

I guess that's the only version available, i like the intro too...
_________________
http://uberaffe.bandcamp.com

[Dandelion]

yep yep...the intro is swelltacular,....but then again so is the whole song
_________________
kevin
Dandelion
www.myspace.com/dandelion