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I dreamed a dream
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 688
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Sun Aug 17, 2014 12:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tonight the gig is really close to where I live and yet I am not there. Shame on you, misshelenc.
Maybe tonight I will dream I am there. x
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lauragek



Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 99

PostPosted: Sun Aug 17, 2014 12:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Too bad! Why couldn't you make it?
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 688
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Sun Aug 17, 2014 11:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I could have, it's not logistical...I guess there are a lot of reasons but the majority of them are a result of my autistic spectrum disorder and related anxiety of crowds and looking ugly and getting in the way.
I didn't have Jeff in my dream, but I did have Malcolm Middleton riding a horse outside my old college. And my sister's boyfriend. I often dream about one of my ex boyfriends too, although we broke up over 10 years ago, strange what the brain dwells on. We aren't even in touch or anything, haven't been for years.
xx
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 688
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 12:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know I always say it but I should really never look up people I used to know on the internet. It only makes me feel more worthless and realise my life is a total waste. Need to go to bed, hopefully posting here will induce some pretty dreams, or even any sleep after last night, spent wandering my house worrying about everything in the world. Night x
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 688
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 12:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I watched Les Mis the other day it reminded me of my thread (and Susan Boyle).

Then last night I had my first Jeffrey dream in ages. I can't remember all the details, but some of it was set in an air port, and some at a gig, and all the band were there, and I was, and I got a little note written for me on an old receipt. I haven't had any memorable dreams for a while thanks to being such a poor sleeper so it was nice to have one that wasn't a nightmare.

xxxxxxxx
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Dav
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Joined: 30 Oct 2005
Posts: 2760
Location: Rennes, France

PostPosted: Wed May 27, 2015 5:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Last night i dreamt (can i say dreamt?) that i was about to be the opening act for some musician i don't know,
A guy from the venue come and tell me that the main act won't be abble to play so i have to be the main act and there will be no opening, it was a real small venue with a few people sitting at some tables. As i am on the stage and the light in on me i realise that i'm not holding my guitar but a ukulele and i can't play ukulele (in that dream as in real life) so i start to panic, i think about borrowing a guitar to someone but as i'm lefthanded i decide it will be better if i randomly strum the uke, then i woke up. I know more happen but as usual i'm having hard time remembering the whole thing.
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 688
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Wed May 27, 2015 11:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think I would have reacted exactly the same way Dav, in real life and in a dream. I personally could never stand on a stage and ever do anything ever let alone unprepared. I think you were very brave to at least make the best of a bad situation, I'd have likely run away and left them with nothing!
I hope you get some less panicky and more happy dreams soon xx
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 688
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2015 11:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I had a dream I went to a shop and found a load of letters and drawings done by Jeff in a cardboard box in a second hand shop. I couldn't work out how much they costs and wanted to buy them.
I realise now that Ii did go to a second hand shop today and brought jeff memorabilia. I think the shop was actually my hair dressers too.
xxx
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 688
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2015 10:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I picked up my guitar tonight for the first time in forever. Mistake. I'm even worse thank I used to be if such a thing is even possible and have just ended up depressing myself about my overall lack of talent about anything. You are all so lucky to play instruments and make songs, no matter how good or bad they may be. Just another reason why I don't fit in here or anywhere.
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jefflewis



Joined: 21 Nov 2005
Posts: 1108

PostPosted: Sun Jun 07, 2015 11:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aw man, I always feel like I'm out of practice and terrible at everything that I try to do! I have to write so many stupid songs before I write one that I think is okay... I do so many drawings that nobody sees, and I write so many songs that nobody hears... I think for anybody trying to do anything maybe only the top 10% is the good stuff! So the thing is to not worry about it too much! If you can keep on doing it, and don't stop yourself, then you'll get some good stuff. i always think about it like the idea of the million monkeys typing randomly on a million typewriters... statistically if they keep typing for a million years they will write something good... that's how I make all my stuff, I just think of myself as a stupid monkey, but if I keep making stuff, maybe 10% of it will seem like something worth holding on to. But I play a lot of terrible guitar, I make stupid comics, I make terrible songs, I just do a LOT of all of that stuff, so I only show people the parts that I think are the good parts! There are a lot of other parts nobody usually sees or hears! The important thing is to not get discouraged... to just keep on doing it, just because it's still fun to do, and because what else is there to do in life anyway? Well, I guess there's always good clips of cute puppies and babies and cats on Youtube... i spend too much of my life doing that too!
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 688
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Mon Jun 08, 2015 9:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Puppies and kittens and babies are all worth time. My neighbour is getting a puppy that looks like a teddy bear when he gets back from holiday, I literally can't wait so I can steal it for the odd hour! And I saw in a magazine I was reading this week that someone had two british blue kittens called Darwin and Nietzsche and that made me more smiley than perhaps it should have. And I cuddled a 3 month year old recently and he was so gorgeous. The nicest things are cute and little and warm and non judgemental.

However, I'd take 10% okay 90% rubbish, those would be perfect, it's just it's 100% rubbish. My dad taught me to play guitar as a little girl and after all these years I am still rubbish. I don't have a natural gift for it and for all the hours I've put in I'm no where near as good as anyone else of the same. I picked up the drums in seconds but guitar has never really worked. I just really want it to, because it's quieter, and girls with guitars look cool, and I have words I love to write and sing but can't play along to. Not to mention an expensive guitar that gets dusted more than played.
I never really know what to do, when keeping trying makes me so sad and yet stopping makes me feel like a failure too, I can't win.
I have something called a 'unrelenting standards schema', which is basically therapist talk for someone that experienced messages (not normally verbal) that to be of worth you need to be the best and that your best isn't ever good enough, so as a result I never know whether I'm being irrational or not, or whether even if I was the best it would feel good enough anyway.


All that aside, as much as I find it impossible that you do things that aren't good enough, of course it's a myth that the artist doesn't learn their craft. No one just picks up a guitar or a pen and is amazing first time, as much as the public like to believe it. I appreciate the thoughts and ideas and I will try to keep them in mind in future days of self hate. No one is wonderful all the time, I wish I could be wonderful some of the time, or just once even. I guess I just need to work harder, which is always the answer to everything in my life. Everyone here can do so many interesting and talented things I get a bit jealous sometimes.
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Dav
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Joined: 30 Oct 2005
Posts: 2760
Location: Rennes, France

PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 10:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In my humble opinion art doesn't always comes with mastering it, some songs are great with a pretty bad guitar playing or even two or three words all tune long, same goes for painting, you can be moved by something simple or mishaped, with bad perspective or shitty color mixing. It's all about getting something that bugs you inside your brain and get it out somehow, sometimes it's just subconscient so you can even explain to other people what does you song mean or what is that weird animal you painted.
Just the way i feel about art, i don't draw or paint well but i do it anyway, cos it's fun or has to be a sort of therapy somehow, i don't play good guitar and i hate the sound of my voice, but i make songs anyway.
If you like writing words maybe you can pair up with someone who likes creating melodies and make something together, or write short stories. It's always good to let the things inside you getting out in any way, better than feeding oneself outside in.
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 688
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2015 10:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you Dav. you are a sweetie, very kind.
Personally I think you are a talented musician, and I'm glad it provides something cathartic too. I am a great believer in free therapy and healthy coping mechanisms. There is no point denying that life is hard in parts and we all have to deal with tragedy and sadness. It's better to deal with the feelings appropriately than hide from them.
I had to raise a smile when you suggested I find someone who can write music. I don't even have one friend, let alone one that can play and would want to play music with me! I try and write things down but struggle since I can't be honest often, and when I can I get frustrated that I can't find a way out.
Love x
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lauragek



Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 99

PostPosted: Fri Oct 16, 2015 11:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Last night I met Jeff in my dream... as a bus driver in Utrecht! I guess he ran out of money during his EU tour and had to do this to be able to finish his tour...

I talked to him for a while and expressed feeling sorry for him that he had to take such a shitty job when he should be doing all his creative undertakings... But he said I shouldn't be sorry and that he actually really enjoyed driving the buss. Maybe an unexplored potential career path?

Haha, I really wonder where this came from... Anyways Jeff thanks for being such a nice dream bus driver and pulling up by the side of the road when I missed my bus stop being to busy talking to you!
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 688
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Fri Oct 16, 2015 11:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, I hope the dream made you wake up happy. I don't really dream any more, so many tablets mean I am in a bit of a daze all night. Still manage to wake up all night and talk out loud that wakes me up and kick and punch and attack the pillow, so I'm not even sure it's worth it.
Any dream I have remembered lately has been about either being on the run where I get all anxious in my sleep and panic and about work, which is pretty depressing.
Sweet dreams everyone. x
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