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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 702
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2016 11:45 pm    Post subject: Remember... Reply with quote

I'm sad to announce the death of a Jeff Lewis fan.

He was my boyfriend for a while, we split up around 6-7 years ago now, he had significant mental health problems over these past few years and was found dead yesterday morning, an apparent suicide.

We didn't speak much over the time we hadn't been together but the few words we did say included him mentioning that JL records had been a big source of comfort to him (as I was the first one to introduce them to him).

Keep this as a reminder that if you are desperate, hopeless and sad, get help. Mental health problems are real and they kill, leaving utter devastation to the sufferer and the people that love them. I don't know how his mum will ever function again, you aren't meant to see your child go before you.

Love you all xxx
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christian



Joined: 08 Jun 2015
Posts: 66

PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 6:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am very sorry to hear about your friend. I hope you are doing alright and I wish strength to his family...
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 702
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 1:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you honey I appreciate your thoughts xxx
I am doing okay, trying to keep busy. x
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jefflewis



Joined: 21 Nov 2005
Posts: 1134

PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 6:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So sorry to hear about this, very sad. I'm sure we've probably all had times when we felt like ending it all. Let's all try not to do it!!!
I have very mixed feelings about my song So What If I Couldn't Take It Anymore, it was written at a time when I needed to purge those thoughts and turn it into jokes by exaggerating the feeling. Sometimes I make stuff so I can go so deep into the sadness that it comes out the other side just being silly or funny, as a way to try to defeat the feeling and move on. I guess The East River is another song I wrote like this, just casually talking about suicide over and over in a way that becomes more silly than serious. But if I play a song like this in a live concert, if I play it in the wrong way or at the wrong time, I can feel very wrong about it, because I know there might be people in the audience who have serious experience with suicide affecting their life. Music and art has always been a way for me to try to fight back against bad things in life, but I'm very lucky to have these tools to help me. It's always made my life a lot better, and I know music and art are some of the biggest things we have in this life to help fight the darkness, even though there are times when it's really not enough.
Sorry for your loss and to the family,
love and thoughts from across the pond -
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 702
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 11:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you that's really kind of you to say.
I don't think you should worry too much about your songs, I think a very small number of people would find them difficult and a lot more people would find they open up a way to talk to others about the issue and avoid the awkwardness by giving it a bit of humour. After all it's more important that people communicate than anything. I hope anyone that was grieving would understand they come from a real place and were just trying to keep a difficult subject lighter than it can be to talk about.
I wish I had music and art but have little talent for either! You are lucky to have such a great opportunity for catharsis.
People have been asking me if I'm okay (my sisters) and I just say I am but I'm not sure. I am definitely not as sad as his mum, dad and sister are.
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 702
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2016 10:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Had the funeral for this today. A very sad day. I've never been to the funeral of a 32 year old, or anyone that hadn't had a long life, they feel so different. Great music was played. Lots of tears. Difficult times.
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jefflewis



Joined: 21 Nov 2005
Posts: 1134

PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2016 11:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry to hear it, I hope you're doing okay!
Love from Oxford!
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 702
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2016 10:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am alright, I can hold it together to work and function, and then when I have no responsibilities I do a lot of crying on my own.
Sorry to be so miserable. I hope the tour is going well. Love from Cardiff too xxxx
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 702
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2016 10:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

http://www.dailyecho.co.uk/news/14623118.Mental_health_trust_missed_chances_to_help_Southampton_man_before_suicide/?ref=rss

Let his voice be heard x
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lauragek



Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 102

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2016 8:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That is absolutely horrible! I hope they really will look into this and remember this with every next person needing help. Sometimes the mental health care system can be so unwieldy it's hard to see there's actual people needing actual help involved.

I am so glad a good friend of mine didn't commit suicide a few months ago. I am glad he reached out to his friends and I am also very glad that they were able to talk him away from the open window. I'm not sure if that was appropriate to mention, but it did hit me how vulnerable people can be sometimes. Especially if those people are dear to you.

Actually, sometimes I wish I could write music, just to process things like these. In the meantime I will just play Jeff's and other people's music.
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 702
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2016 11:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry to hear about your friend honey, it's true this can happen to anybody, it could be our family, our colleagues or friends. In the UK we are all about 'ending the stigma' of mental health, but that's no good if there aren't the services to go to in the first place. He was a good person. He deserved to be helped. And now his family and partner will never be the same.
I wish I could write too, my note books are of little help as I can't express myself well at all. It's frustrating but I'm no professional so the only pressure is from me. I hope everyone is alright and feeling strong xxxx
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lauragek



Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 102

PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2016 8:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My brother was in München the past couple of days, I think he just left. Now there was another shooting there. I'm getting so tired of this. I'm not even actively following any news outlets anymore, just Facebook and conversations with people. I can be there for my friends, my boyfriend, my family. I can support them if there are hard times. But I can't handle being afraid of random attacks when I can't do anything! It's frustrating Sad I want to go back to just making music with friends and having no worries
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 702
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2016 11:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I bet that's scary for you to have these events so close to your family, it certainly makes them feel more real to me. I too am fed up of the depressing-ness of the news, Not that I've done the sensible thing like you and continue to follow it. One thing I will say is that there is a lot of mis-reporting in British news, every time there is an individual tragedy, the headlines scream 'terror!' when usually it's one person who is unwell, not some united effort of an organised group. These things have always happened and will likely always continue to, unless there are significant leads in understanding the human brain. It's worth remembering that they are rare, the reporting has changed to global, 24 hour news, and people with mental illness are much more likely to be a victim of violence than a perpetrator. I wish I could take your worries away. Terrorism wins when you change your life because of the fear so keep living normal life, that's my thought, if it's any help at all...
You could live in the UK where literally the whole of Europe hates you... it could be worse!
Loads of love xxx
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 702
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2016 12:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Today Sunday the 31st of July would have been his 33rd birthday. I have brought a balloon to let go and plan to write a message on it. Still such difficult times. x
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misshelenc



Joined: 23 Nov 2007
Posts: 702
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2016 12:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Today Sunday the 31st of July would have been his 33rd birthday. I have brought a balloon to let go and plan to write a message on it. Still such difficult times. x
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